‘Who I am really?’ is a question many people might ask. We might be at a point where we would like to get to know ourselves, or get to know ourselves again if we have gone through life changes. Interestingly, our own personal concepts of ourselves exist only in our minds, and they are based on an amalgamation of our memories and experiences to-date. This brings some to question whether the ‘self’ truly exists, or at least, whether it can be considered own objective terms.

Secondly, we as individuals are interpreted by the minds of others in a similar way; to everyone, we appear to be an entirely different version of ourselves based on their concept of themselves, their previous experience and understanding of the world and of other people.

For example, on the most basic level, someone who has learned in life that others are untrustworthy might see us as untrstworthy even if we have given them no cause to perceive us in such a light. Despite continued efforts to prove ourselves as honest and reliable, such a person might find the smallest reasons to doubt our credibility, and where they might find none, they might resort in creating or fabricating, or even pushing us in that direction until we become their self-fulfilled prophecy.

However, bringing it back to ourselves, because that is what it is all about, within this perspective, we can choose to be whoever we wish to be.

Every conflict or negative experience can bring ourselves opportunity to personally reflect in most circumstances, even if we are the ones not at fault. For example, if you’re upset because a coworker has acted in a mean manner towards you, the upset you feel can teach you more about you. This isn’t to say someone else’s meanness is imaginary, but rather what counts is the meaning we attach to it.

Some consider that this type of negative interaction can provide a mirror for an unresolved early experience that your conscious mind has forgotten, but also happens to hold you back in every day life in the present moment. For example, the experience now could unearth a forgotten memory about a time a teacher shouted at you at four years old and humiliated you infront of your class. From this memory, it might hold feelings of inadequacy, shame, and feeling ‘unaccepted’. We can get to know our feelings more through the process of journalling.

For others without such early experience, a mean colleague might only invoke curiosity in the targeted individual to bring them to wonder what has happened in their colleague’s life to cause the behaviour, and to pay them no heed.

Every experience in life can teach us more about ourselves if we are open to the lessons they bring and increase our self-awareness. And we can use them to continue to work towards being our best version of us, ‘peeling our onion’, releasing our traumas and moving forwards to a more satisfying and freeing life. Through this process, we can get to know ourselves more fully day to day.